Hello, my name is Amy and I'm addicted to fried foods, excessive amounts of soda, and anything smothered in lard. Personally, I think all you granola eating hippies are a bunch of weak pansies. I have an iron clad stomach and an evil metabolism that'll turn your very soul into pure energy for me. To hell with your fruits and vegetables. To hell, I say! ...Uh, just leave the apples. I kind of like those. But to hell with the rest! And take your silly little fanny packs with you.
Ok, you got me. On very rare occasions I actually eat something that could be considered...healthy. That's such a disgusting word. I feel like I lost all my street cred just saying it. This needs to be rectified immediately!! ( Oh shit, she used TWO exclamation marks. She MUST mean business! ) Damn right, I do! I'm breaking out the big guns! If I'm going to eat an apple, you best be sure I'm going to torture it first! Apples, meet Mad Max the Mandoline!
Disclaimer - Mad Max doesn't give a shit who you are. If you mistreat him he'll chop your god damn finger clean off.
Green apples, red apples, granny smith, golden delicious, all ya are getting sliced the fuck up!
Mix together about 3 tablespoons sugar, one tablespoon cinnamon and a dash of nutmeg. Sprinkle your sliced up victims and place in the...* insert maniacal laughter here * Dehydrator for 6-8 hours. Poor bastards never saw it coming.
The result? A crispy ring with a slightly chewy center that taste pretty damn close to hot apple pie only...healthier.
Ratings - ( a possibility of 5 ☆'s )
Cost - ☆☆☆☆ It's apples! That's all.
Difficulty - ☆☆☆☆ Seriously, don't chop your finger off. If you do, I'll forever make fun of you.
Taste - ☆☆☆☆ Yummy, but could have used a little lard.
Clean up - ☆☆☆☆ Just the mandoline and dehydrator trays, but all should be hand washed.
So, shove that up your fanny ... packs!
Happy Porking People!
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